I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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