There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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