Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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