There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
