just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
