I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
