I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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