He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm like, not good at living.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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