Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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