Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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