Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize