I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
