Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
