either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
