Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
