You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
