if you like me you must not know who I am
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
