Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
