i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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