You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
