I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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