Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize