He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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