508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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