everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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