P.S. I can't hear my feet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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