took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
