ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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