maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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