There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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