im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
