Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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