I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
