thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
