I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
