My hand turned me down
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
