i may or may not be watching the land before time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
