come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
