I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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