good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
