just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
