in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
