Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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