My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
