I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
