I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
