why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
