she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
