I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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