Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize