I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize