If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
