this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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