She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize