If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
