Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize