I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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