he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
