Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
