Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize