I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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