he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Pooping to opera.
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