bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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