I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
