...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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