Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
