Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
