i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
