Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize