OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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