My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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