She said her name was "party"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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