i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize