that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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