I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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