We need to start having sex underwater more often.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
